Winnie the Pooh never said there'd be days like this...

So guess who spent yesterday morning happily stealing honey away from millions of angry little bitches... until they decided to turn on him. I'll give you a hint. His right hand looks like it spent the past month at an all you can eat chinese buffet. Picture Sebastian the crab from the Little Mermaid. Or the giant marshmallow dude from Ghostbusters. But it was worth it.



Here are the guys pulling out the bee colonies. By the way, while I was crying in the corner about my three little bee stings, these guys were literally getting stung over 20 times. And laughing about it. Res-pec! (...said in an Ali G voice)



My buddy Carlos cutting off the honeycombs



The whirly-gig machine doing what whirly-gig machines do...
whirl. gig.



Me and Carlos with one of the colonies



So I got a marshmallow hand for the week, but on the bright side, I can check off another item on my life list. So there ya go. And now I have a legitimate medical reason to take 4 benadryls a night and pass out at 8 pm.

Inauguration day

Sort of an extra special day for those living outside the states. Guess I can only speak for myself, but watching the inauguration, naturally you’re forced to think about where you are, what you’re doing, why you’re here. All the things you generally don’t stop to think about. Seems we just get so caught up in our day to day lives here that you rarely take a minute to really think about things.

So today served as that reminder. That I’m working. And that I'm serving my country. (Cue patriotic music.) Serving the country that I criticize and mock so much. And will continue to criticize and mock to my dying days. But that same country is paying me to live in central america, to learn how to harvest beans and corn, to play checkers with my community's drunks, to eat and sleep and learn and just be here.

Hearing Obama take his oath of office, and seeing that ridiculous ribbon on Aretha Franklin’s head, and watching all the salvos watch it with me in that coffeeshop just made me proud to be an american. Even if it lasted for only a few moments.

Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.

A festivus for the rest of us!

Who knew this country was into Festivus?! The aluminum pole, the feats of strength, the airing of grievances. Anyone... anyone... Bueller? Probably only a few diehards got that one. If you didn’t, google it and study up.

To be honest, I’d actually forgotten it was the holidays. Christmas here just isn’t the hoopla that I expected from such a religious country. Or maybe it’s just cause I’m out in the campo and celebrations here are just more subdued. For starters, they celebrate xmas on the 24th, and pretty much don't do anything out of the ordinary. They cook up a chicken, eat a big lunch, stay up late shooting off fireworks and don't even give gifts. Man that was a nice contrast from the typical production up north. Sorry, but you already knew I was a cynic. It was refreshing and the definition of stress free.

So on the 24th, instead of eating lunch leftovers for dinner with my neighbors/host family, I surprised an 82 year old woman in my community whose house I always pass by and who invites me (constantly!) to hang out with her. I never have time and I always feel crazy guilty. But I frickin made some time. It was xmas after all.

So I went and surprised her. Not literally... should would have died, so old and feeble is she. Joking. Sort of. So there we were, hanging out in her smokey kitchen, me showing her I got skills and can tortillar, and her just sort of sitting there rambling, which is what old people do out in the campo. The catch was I literally can’t understand a single word she says. It's a combination of missing teeth and her being really, really old. So I just sat there as she talked, eating chicken stew, downing tortillas with salt and lime, and nodding every once in a while to give her the impression that meaningful understanding was going on inside my head. At one point, I actually just started laughing at the situation I was in. And then she started laughing too. Good times.

Then on xmas day, everyone just chills in the community and enjoys a day off. No presents. No tree. They eat leftovers and just sort of hang out.

I was all set to do the same, but my diputado buddy called me (the equivalent of a congressman) and told me to grab my boots cause he'd be there in 15 minutes. And before I knew it, I was bouncing around in the back of a pickup truck, bombing up a rocky, dusty road on my way up Montecristo, the nearby 8,000 footer I live at the base of. About two hours later, I was walking around pine forests, clean air and enjoying life without burning trash piles.

It was only a day trip with his family, so we didn’t get to summit, but just hanging out there was well worth the trip. This is the view from one of the miradors, or lookout towers. Nice huh?



Gabe dicking around on said mirador.



Then two days later, ass still bruised from the last trip, I found myself once again bouncing around in the back of a pickup climbing up into Montecristo. My buddy Mario and his wife Jenny invited me on their annual family trip and what am I gonna say no?! Course not. So I tagged along with about 40 of their friends and family (understatement of the year: families are BIG here).

Sidenote: Mario and Jenny are quickly on their way to achieving awesome friend status. Jenny is my age and super sweet. Mario is a few years older and a cool dude. More importantly, he's a normal guy! Sounds stupid, but they're rare. Ex. He doesn’t sit at the kitchen table ordering his wife to bring him another tortilla, doesn’t raise his voice for no reason, doesn’t down guaro and stumble around with his shirt off. Just a chill, chill guy. You guys would love him. Always refreshing visiting them.

Anyway, camping. Honestly, compared to the backwoods camping we've done back home, it was a bit of a letdown. But that’s just cause we’ve been spoiled by the Appalachian Trail, Montana, Hawaii, the Atacama Desert in Chile, smores in my backyard, etc. We're just used to kickass bonfires and total seclusion. But since El Sal is so damn deforested, the country goes out of its way to protect their little slice of untouched wilderness, ie, no huge Steve-style bonfires. Sad. But the views were incredible. And I just felt this wave of happiness and comfort hit me, like I was back in my element. Picture Gabe lying in the middle of a field, shivering, staring at the stars for hours. Happiness.

Here's a couple pics of when someone got the incredibly awesome idea to go for a latenight swim in the river. Air temperature: 45 degrees. Water temperature: 20 below zero. Bad idea. Forced smiles... but I'd do it again in a second.

And on the way back, Mario bombed down the mountain roads in his beat up suzuki pickup car thing. Need to take a picture of this pint-sized beast, but it sorta looks like a pickup that got crushed in the middle of a 20 car pileup and now would be dwarfed by a mini cooper. Plus this thing is so beat up it honestly looks like a wheel could go at any minute. But the little guy, which I named the torito rojo, is tougher than he looks. To give you a taste of what it was like, I posted a video...

There's so much more I want to cover. And it's been almost two month since I’ve posted anything. I suck, I know. Maybe I'll just try to give you a quick rundown of what I’ve been up to:

Turkey day

... started off bad, but ended pretty good. If you’re all getting sick of hearing about stoves, then skip ahead...

Anyway, my pueblo's mayor hooked us up with free transport for our stoves again but the catch this time was we had to leave at the asscrack of dawn. I'm talking 4 am people.

So now picture Gabe, crammed in the cabin of a big rig flying down the highway towards the coast, half asleep, half deliriously happy that he can check off something new on his life list, but also trying really hard not to think about the fact that he’s lying on the truck driver’s mystery mattress in the back of the cabin. Nice.

Anyway, that trip the other PCVs and I hauled over 150 stoves for our communities, so it was productive. But it took forever and I had to scrap plans to meet up with friends out east for turkey day. But I did make it into the capital, met a dude at a hostel who taught me thai, and treated me to KFC, including an entire family meal. I'll say it again. An entire frickin family meal. Did it in the spirit of good ole american overeating. I think it was something like 149 pieces of chicken and a comically large vat of mashed potatoes. Ug.

But, official weigh in at the PC med office the next day... survey says... 178 pounds. With clothes and flip flops. I’m lean and mean. Cough.

Carnival

Then a few days later, I took off for Carnival in San Miguel. Btw, who knew El Sal was home to the second largest Carnival in the world behind Brazil?!!! Somebody please fact check that. But be warned, Carnival in El Sal... not so much fireworks and girls dancing in crazy caribbean outfits. More of a citywide street party/mosh pit/lame parade. Here’s the final tally from the night:

Hours it took me to get there from my site: 8
Number of street french fries purchased: 3
Number of times pickpocketed: 2... as far as I know

Fantasy Football

And to wrap up, guess who won his Fantasy Football league... for the second year in a row? This guy. Nice job, Gabe. Who gives a flying f, right? Well in addition to the bragging rights and devastating blow to my friends' egos of losing to a PCV checking his email and fantasy picks once a week, if that, I won 160 bucks. Kind of nuts that that's more than half my monthly salary!

Now I’m having fun thinking of all the things I could do with the cash. Bungie jumping? Hang gliding? Deep sea fishing? Buy a horse? I’ll be sure to let you know...

I’m not sure if you guys noticed this yet, but Obama won the election. Crazy. I’m gonna say that again. Obama won the election. He’s gonna be the next president. Still shocks me a little when I see that. You guys are probably over it by now, but we live in a bit of a bubble down here so it’s still news to me.

As usual, the onion pretty much summed up how I feel.

<<<I love the onion>>>

Anyway, it was an amazing night for us down here as I’m sure it was for all of you bleeding hearts up north. Rest assured we were fortunate enough to watch it as it happened, albeit through a haze of dollar beers and dollar-fifty whiskey shots.

I'm not gonna bore you with too many details, but imagine PCVs from every corner of the country descending on the capital and taking over, since we're a classy bunch, a TGIF’s our buddy rented out (15 pieces of flair!) to experience it live. For a while you really didn’t even feel like you were in a third-world country. We were surrounded by gringos in an american restaurant eating buffalo wings and watching the polls come in. But then you stepped outside and boom - pollution, poverty and prostitutes. Yikes. Here are some pics from the night.





Boston Joe, aka Zagats El Salvador, aka Peace Corps El Sal's unofficial party planner



I liked Will's latest description of Jimbo's beard: "looks like he's eating a hamster in one bite." So true. God knows how many creatures are living inside of that thing...





The moment they announced the win... pandemonium.









To help with the shock of actually winning an election... Wait, hold on a sec. Have I ever won an election? Hmm, let's see.

Gore - nope.

Kerry - nope.

Gov. Romney? - hell no.

Ah, now I remember. Deval. Okay, I got one.

Anyway, after so much craziness with the election and all, a few of us went to the beach to celebrate our friend Lauren’s birthday and oh yeah, history being made. We rented a house for 50 bucks and celebrated our freedom the only way americans know how, with copious amounts of booze and fireworks. Good times.













AIDS is bad

I know you know that. And even people around here know that. But if you ask them what exactly it is, or even better, how to prevent it, you get some pretty interesting answers. Especially the people who go off on how AIDS can only be cured by prayer... hmmm...

... and so to help counteract stuff like that, Peace Corps just threw a weeklong AIDS workshop up in the western hills. The idea was for volunteers to invite active people in their communities to be trained and hopefully help out with future workshops in the communities. Naturally I invited Salvador and we had a kickass time.

In general, we were bombarded with an impressive amount of lectures and workshops during the day. Pretty much all you could ever want to know about AIDS, the history of the disease, and most importantly, techniques for discussing the topic, which is pretty damn taboo in such a conservative country. But then at night we were free to relax by the fires and just hang out.

Below are some pics from the conference and the charla we gave at a local school to practice what we'd learned.

I sorta look like a monkey...

The whole experience was pretty cool and both Salva and I left feeling pumped to organize some events in our community. He seemed to be really impressed by it all and, at the very least, it was a weeklong vacation for him, which he desperately needed (he's like the definition of a workaholic). Now let's see if I can actually bring any of this to my community...

Computers in the Campo

Something else you all might find interesting... Eventhough we lose power every so often, and a decent amount of the community poops in their backyards, our school has computers! Sort of. You can see in the photo that they're not exactly in tip top shape. Four don't even work, and the six others haven't been used in over two years and kinda smell like cat piss. Nice. But I talked to a kid in my community who's actually a computer geek and we're fixing up the computers to start teaching some informal computer classes. Only a couple times a week, but it's a start.

This is all part of my plan, Operacion Abre la Puerta, which will hopefully figuratively and literally open the doors of the school to the community, who have pretty much written off the school director as corrupt and useless. Did I mention they've tried to sue him twice? And half the community sends their kids to a school half an hour away? Anyway, I've started teaching english classes there once a week to get parents back in the school and maybe, poco a poco, parents will get more supportive. We'll see how it goes.

Our school's computer room, aka, put everything you don't want to deal with room.



That's it for now. I'll keep you updated as much as I can. In other news, with all the traveling I’ve been doing this month, I’m flat broke. No seriously, I have a dollar left in my bank account... and I need it to last until December 1st.

Wish me luck!

Goooooooool!

So in case you're wondering what the hell that's all about, I got my first goal yesterday! Naturally it was a header, since I look like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar compared to most of the guys in my community. And naturally it was in the sunday youth game. But these kids are nastier than I'll ever be, so it made me feel really good to finally get one in. Also hearing them describe my goal when we were walking home and how high I jumped was pretty hilarious. According to them, I literally jumped over two kids and then did a Cristiano Ronaldo-esque full body header. So I got that going for me.

What else is new?

Well, it being "winter" here and all, the sky opened up a few weeks ago and it started raining like god wanted to start over with this whole earth and humanity thing. Basically being at the base of the mountains in Honduras and Guatemala, the valleys just funnel all that rain down to the poor little communities below, hint that's us. So we got pretty devastated. Roads turned into rivers. Houses flooded. It was pretty nuts. The picture below is of the road outside my house.





Also, because of all the flash floods, our community started eroding right before our eyes. This one road near my house disappeared overnight. There one day and then a giant hole the next. Pretty common here since the infrastructure generally sucks.

Anyway, the neighborhood came together and pitched in to rebuild the road and bug the hell out of our mayor's office to fix it. He ended up sending a bunch of rocks, cement, sand, and an engineer, and over the course of a week, we built a retaining wall and filled in the road. Pretty cool. Here are some pics.

Mixing cement. You basically make a giant mashed potato and gravy volcano. Except it's cement. Every kid's dream come true





Here we are collecting river rocks for the retaining wall. Just to give you an idea of how much water this one storm dropped on us, the river swelled so much is was touching the footbridge...



Movie night

Hmm, what else is new? Well half of the reason we PCVs are here is to make communities more organized and self-sufficient. Not always the first thing that comes to mind when you think about the rural health mission, but it ends up being really important, ie, organized communities often = more resources and dinero which = public health projects which = healthier people. Got it?

During training, we learned a really easy way to raise money is throwing a movie night. They're insanely easy to put on and communities love them. Especially little kids and teenagers since they get to gel up their hair and mack on the ladies. So I pitched it to our softball team and we were in business.

We borrowed the projector from the mayor's office, moved all my furniture (okay, basically my bed) over into the corner of my room, set up a ton of benches and chairs, and made a ton of popcorn. We were all set...

Until the rain came. F-ing rain. Literally half an hour before showtime, a huge rainstorm came out of nowhere and made it impossible to go outside. Obviously our turnout sucked. Bummer. But in the end, it was really fun and our team made 12 bucks. Decent!

We showed two movies. Ice Age 2 for the little ones and 300 (of course!) for anyone old enough to know where babies come from. Crappy photo but if you squint really hard, you can see the giant mastodon thing.



Stove Team factory

As most of you know, our stove project has been growing and growing. Up to this point, our community has ordered 100 stoves. Pretty amazing considering there are only about 150 families.

Anyway, last week Salva and I went to pick up the stoves my community ordered. Unfortunately, the factory isn't receiving as much support from the states as it did before and can no longer offer people credit. Crappy economy = less international help trickling down to salvos. It was really bad news for our community, since we're corn and bean farmers and they won't be able to sell their harvest for another couple months. But 25 community members scrounged together their 20 bucks and we were off.

The factory is down in Sonsonate, about two hours away near the coast. On the way, you pass through some really picturesque towns. Looking forward to my next trip at the end of November.



A worker pouring in pumice rocks



Cool sparky guy.



This is Francisco. He works for the mayor's office. Good kid. Loved riding in the back of the pickup... until we passed through the mountains and the temp dropped to 50 degrees. With windchill. Yikes. Anyway, he survived.



Later, Salva and I dropped off a stove he bought for a nearby family. He'd never lit the stoves before so we all thoroughly enjoyed watching him go through about 20 matches, the whole time reassuring us he knew what he was doing. Also, this girl's smile is ridiculously cute.


So that's it. Hope all is well up north...

G

How do I sum up my trip back home? Well first off, it’s taken me until now to be able to write about it...

Gotta say this right off the bat, I had a great time. Good people, great food, and comfortable beds. Although I did secretly miss my hammock.

It's impossible for me to describe what it was like to be back in the states after 6 months abroad. In so many ways you feel good to be home but in so many other ways you feel like some sort of a martian, out of place in the land of gringos and organic lettuce. For the most part, life is exactly as you left it, but something's off. You suddenly realize you feel completely different. Not that you don't enjoy every minute of being there. It's just that you feel a little off. And that's when you realize the reverse culture shock is kicking in.

Plus, seeing everyone was so bittersweet. I had so much fun, but sometimes it was tough to detach and just be in the moment without thinking about what an average Tuesday night looks like back "home" in El Sal. Or what the next steps are for my water project. Or if the community member I asked to fax the list of names for the stoves is actually gonna do it (she did it - yay!). You basically just walk around like a zombie with your consciousness split in two like a grapefruit. Partly because you're on vacation, and I've never been able to leave my work behind. And also because you've worked so hard to adapt and create something of a life down here, you just feel disrupted, like your legs were kicked out from under you.

Anyway, this is coming out all wrong. I had an awesome time. And everyone should know that. The challenges of readjusting were real, but they're already in the past. Maybe you guys will feel the same after you spend a week here. Who knows. And on that note, here's a brief recap of the craziness that was my two weeks stateside.

The wedding of all weddings

What’s a really good way to make your wedding day unforgettable? Have a hurricane pass through on the same day! Sweet. It was honestly a weird experience going from bucket baths and riding in pickup trucks through Guatemala to then be standing there in a blue blazer eating cucumber hors doeuvres and sipping prosecco. That’s like the definition of culture shock. But it was worth it in the end to see everyone and finally be at one of my friends’ weddings. I’d missed too many important ones before to pass on this.







Chuck getting the talking to from the new bride. Wait wait wait. Whaddya mean I can’t bring two loaded coolers down to the lobby?



Other highlights from my trip

Dipping my toes into the Atlantic and remembering how f-ing cold it is. Puts hair on yer chest!

Visting Chuck's dad, the famous Mr. Mac, and helping Chuckie make the big move.

Seeing Mearns and Bridie, who are now, sadly, cat people.

Mearns donating the "burrito bat" to my community. Photos on their way, big guy.

Playing the would you rather game with Travis, the guy who I’m pretty sure invented the game, and seeing Jillian, who is the breath of fresh air in the smokey bar that is my life.

Trader Joes. Frozen indian food and cheap wine. Sigh.

The tripple cripple! It’s no longer a pub crawl from Fenway to Allston-Brighton, but it’s still a hell of a good time. And I got to see Mo once again. Speaking of which, thanks again for the dr. bronners peppermint soap. A cold bucket bath + peppermint soap is better than a pot of coffee, by the way.

Lobster night at Ellie’s. Deep down I secretly wanted lemon chicken and ice cream with chocolate mud, Ellie, but I guess lobster's pretty good too.

Seeing my mom and her new place, which is completely empty except for some carrots and hummus in the fridge. Mom, you work too hard.

Golfing with my dad and the boys. Did I mention culture shock?

Monday night football with the guys. Wow, I’ve lost my tolerance.

Seeing Scott’s baby photos. Scott, do you always carry a photo album of your newborn wherever you go? You’re such a proud papa.

Trying to get my friends to eat "rabies meat"

Seeing my sister-in-law’s ginormous belly. Jamie, I’m still pushing for Gabriella...

Going to the James’ Gate every other night, and trying as many different beers as possible to retrain my tastebuds what the hell an IPA is...

But then remembering that I can only have three beers now without passing out.

So fun. Here are some pics.









So many good times, it’s tough to write them all down. In general though, I just liked being around you all and hanging out like the good ol days. Awww. Sappiness.

Jimbo's visit

So when I got back, my head was messed up. Couldn’t really focus and finally broke down and talked to my boss. No surprise, she was pretty cool about it. Basically told me to ride it out and maybe talk to my gringo friends in country to help me get back in the groove. Meanwhile, she’s also helping out my buddy Jimbo to not stress so much about the challenges of his site. Basically told him to go on vacation and chill with another gringo for a few days. See where this is going? Well of course you do. This section is called Jimbo’s visit after all. Anyway, it worked. Jimbo helped me talk it out and drink all those beers I accidentally bought when I heard he was coming. And I helped him see that half my projects are failing and he needs to chill the f out about his site.

All in all, it was an awesome weekend. Went for a run, played softball with the new equipment, and caught up with a good friend. Here are a few pics from the visit. And yes, ladies, he is single. But you gotta act fast. I’ve never seen anyone grow facial hair like this guy and he’s doing two more months of that thing. Yikes. Hmm, so maybe you should wait a bit. I dunno.

Jimbo teaching my 6 year old host sister tic tac toe...



And then proceeding to peg her in the face with a baseball. Good times. We iced her face and she seems to have recovered. Only has a slight lisp now... and can’t pronounce certain words, but she’s doing great.









Ha ha. I love this photo of Jimbo out in right field. Jimbo’s facial expression = priceless.



Softball equipment from heaven

Quick story. You never know what you’re gonna get when you place an ad on craigslist. There’s just so much crazy shit on there, it’s like playing some sort of lottery. Well, I won the frickin lottery.

Mark, an incredibly generous man, who keeps impressing me more and more with his kindness, responded to my post and met me downtown to donate what I thought would be just a bunch of gloves. I had no idea what was in store for me. When I showed up, he was waiting there for me with a huge hockey-sized bag full of equipment. Mitts, bats, batting gloves, and a ton of softballs. Real ones. The ones that sting when you catch them. Had to leave a bunch of stuff behind in the states (food, clothes, chainsaw!) to get it all in under the weight restrictions, but when I brought it back, my community flipped. They just couldn’t believe how much stuff somebody just gave us. And without asking for anything in return. Well, he did want something... photos. Can you believe that? What a great guy. Well, my friend, here’s your first batch



Hey, Jenn Bos, does that glove look familiar? Thanks again for donating it!





Bottom line, I think if our team had a name, they’d vote to rename it after him.

Also, just last week, a local newspaper took our team's photo from my blog and some quotes lifted from my emails with Mark and wrote an article about Mark and his donations. It was awesome.

<<<Check it out>>>

The catch, I told them to hold the article until after my Country Director gave the go ahead. Doh. She was actually the one who told me about the article and congratulated me on the project... and then gently reminded me I dodged a bullet. Phew. No harm, no foul. I'll let you all know of any new developments, but hopefully good things will continue to come from this.

Oh man, so much more I want to write about... hunting armadillos, my weeklong birthday celebrations, building a retaining wall, my ADESCO elections... but this is getting ridiculous. If I were you, I would've stopped reading 10 minutes ago.

I hope all is well back home. Miss you all and can’t wait to see you again.

G

ps. and you thought I was joking.

pps. they sort of taste like turkey, oddly enough.